


Wrong Boy(?)

by 10moonymhrivertam



Category: Good Omens (TV), Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Anathema!Logan, Aziraphale!Patton, Car Accident Aftermath, Car Accidents, Crowley!Deceit, Lies, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Sarcasm, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Warlock Tags Along AU, Warlock!Virgil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2020-10-05 06:14:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20484215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10moonymhrivertam/pseuds/10moonymhrivertam
Summary: Virgil Dowling's eleventh birthday would be pretty cool, if his old Nanny and gardener didn't show up in disguise. When he steps away to fume, what he hears may change his life. What's left of it...





	1. A Birthday at the Dowling's

**Author's Note:**

> There are two or three people that deserve most of the credit for this AU - those people would be wheeloffortune-design, sandersidess, and broadwaytheanimatedseries, all of tumblr. The former for the Warlock Tags Along comics that this takes a great deal of inspiration from, and the latter for the chat post/discussion on said chat post that offered up the fandoms.

Did Nanny think he was stupid? Virgil fumed silently. Nanny and Brother Francis had just up and left barely a few weeks ago, somehow convincing his mother they’d handed in two weeks’ notice even though Virgil remembered his mother acting like they’d be there indefinitely.

Now they had the - the nerve to show up here in a magician’s uniform with less bushy eyebrows, and a waiter’s uniform with shorter hair and no hat, and they thought he wouldn’t know? There was a moment where Francis was concentrating on his magic act and Nanny was approached by someone who actually thought he ought to be working. Virgil took the moment to slip away. And he’d been stood by Nanny’s car ever since, the same car that had taken him to Tesco’s to sugar him up when his Dad was on his way home or driven him to sleep hundreds of times in his life. How could Nanny think he wouldn’t see?!

Virgil felt a spike of panic when he heard voices and he did the only thing he could think to do - yanked the door open and folded himself down into the space behind the front seats.

Nanny opened the car door while Francis hovered outside.

“Last one any of them will ever have, but - memorable.”

“It’s late.” Francis gasped a little and made a sad sort of noise. Virgil couldn’t see why.

“Well, it’s what you get for putting it up your sleeve.” Nanny settled into the driver’s seat and turned the car on, reaching for something in the glove compartment. The thrumming of the engine both settled Virgil and ramped up his fear. Some kind of small package opened, like when Mom was taking off her makeup. He tried not to squeak as an arm stretched over him a moment later and retrieved a bowler hat tossed into the back seat.

“No. The Hell Hound. It’s late.”

The radio made a sort of crackly noise and someone said: “Hello, Deceit.”

“Hello,” Nanny said slowly. Francis took a cardigan hanging over the back of the passenger seat and tied it around his shoulders. “Who’s this?”

Someone introduced themselves - it all slipped quickly from Virgil’s mind. Nanny asked about the Hell Hound and was told it should be there - was asked whether something had gone wrong.

“Everything’s gone perfectly, Dagon.” Nanny always seemed smoothest and least stuttery when telling a lie, which is how Virgil knew that everything had gone terribly. “Ah, there it is now. I’m such a fool - missed it. And it’s ever so large. Well, great talking to you.” Nanny hit a button and the call ended.

“No dog.”

“No dog.”

“Wrong boy.”

“Wrong boy.”

** _Wrong boy_ ** . The words echoed hauntingly in his ears, and he felt something he didn’t want to name rising in his chest. But fighting it back was…

Some other little boy being tucked in and sung to by Nanny after Francis wore him out asking him to help with the weeding. Some other little boy waking with night terrors where he had disobeyed Brother Francis and the slugs had become angry giants and seeing Nanny there, the light of the nightlight reflecting comfortingly off cornerless lenses. Nanny’s glasses hiding no vague discomfort behind them, because the other little boy was less trouble, less clumsy, less needy…

Virgil’s hand was pressed hard to his mouth as tears streamed down his face. It was making his chest hurt, but why would Nanny want to see him here when he was the wrong boy? What would Nanny do? Turn that terrifying glare that rude old people criticizing his warm, safe hoodie always got? And Brother Francis -

At the thought of the look of disappointment he would have, an audible sob escaped Virgil. Everyone in the car froze. Another sob ripped out of Virgil’s mouth, and it only made him panic more. Nanny and Brother Francis turned as one to look at him. Virgil squeezed his eyes tightly shut. 

“Oh! Oh, Virgil, I’m -“ Brother Francis stuttered through something that was probably an apology, but now that he’d been discovered, Virgil couldn’t hear it past grief-stricken sobs. There was the sound of a door opening and closing. Then another door opened. Virgil trembled, waiting for - well, he didn’t know what. He began thrashing when Nanny’s hands found his arms. He didn’t stop thrashing, and Nanny didn’t let go. The next thing he knew, there was warmth around him and a face against the top of his head. He wasn’t being pulled from the car. He was being...hugged. Held. Nanny was saying something into his hair. He was sobbing too hard to hear. Eventually he realized it was counting. He began to follow the patterns. Nanny smiled against his head. When Virgil was a sniffling but relatively calm ball in his arms, Nanny began to speak about something else.

“I ~deeply regret~ taking care of you, and I don’t think we found gold where we were looking for oil ~at all~.”

Sometimes, Virgil had found, Nanny was most sincere when speaking in complete opposites. When he was younger it had confused him a lot more, but lately he’d gotten used to responding to what Nanny was really saying, sometimes even with his own sarcasm. Right now he was too shaken for sarcasm, though. He looked tearfully up at Nanny. The scale-covered cheekbones weren’t anything he had seen before, though he’d felt them before under Nanny’s seemingly-perfect skin. 

“Kiddo?” Francis prompted. Virgil reluctantly turned to look at him. He had a soft smile, and his eyes were shining. “We shouldn’t have said it that way. We didn’t mean it that way.” Francis bit his lip. “It’s just...”

“The end of the world, sweetheart.” Nanny stroked his hair. Virgil did a double-take, but that...that wasn’t sarcasm. “Unless we’re very, very fast.”

“And very lucky,” Brother Francis added. Nanny finally shifted, untangling them.  Soon enough, somehow, they stood outside the car. 

“I made that cake, y’know,” Nanny lied. “Go and appreciate it.”

“Do I...have to?” Virgil asked, feeling like he was something small teetering on a precipice as vast as the Grand Canyon.

Nanny looked puzzled. “It’s your birthday. I’d gotten the impression those were important to humans. Satan knows your mother always wants things to be perfect for you.”

“The most perfect part was those picnics Brother Francis set up for the three of us,” Virgil mumbled, cheeks burning. “I - I’d like to stay with you guys. Please? Mom’s been having FaceTime fights with Dad so much lately. And -“

As much as not being near his Mom if the world were ending made his heart beat in his throat, not knowing if Nanny and Francis were okay and knowing they were actively involved would mean dread every day and wakefulness every night, right up until The End.

Nanny stood and stared, almost swaying.

“Absolutely not. Not even if you get into the car and buckle before I’ve gotten into the car.” As Nanny started on the long way around back to the driver’s seat, Virgil scrambled to get back into the car once a beat had passed for him to process. 

“Virgil!” Francis squawked at him. “Deceit!” Francis squawked in a higher pitch at Nanny as Nanny climbed back into the car. 

“Patton,” Nanny returned evenly. “No time to waste.” After a snap of the fingers that was followed by Virgil’s headphones and phone appearing in his lap, Nanny took off, racing for the end of the world. 


	2. Dinner at the Loquacious's

“Have you had lunch?”

“Yes, Mary.” Remus said, leaning in close to the plans on the table. Still, Mary didn’t take her eyes from them.

“Will you need me before dinner?”

“No,” Remus decided. While Mary would leave attending to the conference center alone if he asked, she would be distracted the whole time. But she was always attentive after dinner, at bedtime, for stories and cuddles.

“Where will you play today?”

“The forest!”

Mary chuckled at the familiar answer.

“Be safe.”

“Safe’s boring!” He exclaimed. Mary laughed, and drew her attention away enough to drop a kiss on his forehead.

“Be back for dinner,” she said sternly.

“I’ll bring back worms!”

“You will not!” There wasn’t a lot of heat in her voice. Remus cackled and took off like a shot.

* * *

Remus knew exactly where he was going. He crept through the trees, a large branch in his hands. He had to be quiet - they were beginning to actually pay attention. But when he found what he was looking for, he paused. The clearing was empty, the throne unclaimed.

“Engarde!” Remus whipped around. His broad, unstripped branch crashed against a thinner branch - impressively, the smaller branch stayed intact.

“You ambushed me!” Remus beamed.

“It won’t be every day,” Roman dismissed. “You’ll still be ambushing us most of the time. But I felt like turning the tables today.”

“You even brought a sword!”

“I think I’ll keep it.”

The fight continued in earnest. Remus’s branch was stripped of a few of its leafy twigs, but neither branch broke. Eventually, they called it off, beaming and sweating.

“So, what are you up to?” Remus dropped easily to the forest floor. Roman took a seat on his throne, and Teagen, Andy, and Linda took their accustomed seats.

“Haven’t thought about it. Just knew we were going to get the drop on you today.” 

“Ever dug for worms?”

“We don’t need to disturb the worms when they’re minding their own business!” Linda protested. Remus retaliated with a blustery sigh.

“I’m out of ideas, then.” Quiet filled their clearing, just the right side of comfortable. They ended up just having several more sword fights, sometimes tapping out to give others of the Them a turn. Remus scurried home when Andy pulled out his phone and noticed it was six o’clock. He darted through the conference hall until he reached the Loquacious apartments.

Mary was almost immediately at the door.

“Turn out your pockets.”

“That’s a good way to get worms on the floor,” Remus teased - still, with the sword fights keeping him busy, he’d never actually picked any up. He showed Mary as much, and then she sent him to wash his hands.

“What’s for dinner?” He asked when he returned. Mary bundled him into a chair at the table without making him change into something less leafy and dirt-stained. He gasped in delight at the sight of green pudding and ogre-shaped chicken nuggets in a blue tray.

Mary smiled as she sat down with her own microwavable dinner.

“Enjoy, darling.”


	3. An Accident in Tadfield

As Logan lay in the cold, hard muck, w ading through pain and confusion, a light shone down on him. Squinting hard, Logan tried to process. He’d heard a snap just before, and he could see two figures from the car at the top of the hill. There was a conclusion - slightly illogical - to be made there.

“How the hell did you do that?”

He might’ve thought he was just concussed if it wasn’t for one of the figures raising an arm, followed by another snap sound and the light going out. Oh, that was definitely unnatural. Logan tried to figure out how to roll over and get his limbs under him, but everything hurt. A lot. One of the figures skidded down the slope toward him as the sound of car doors came again.

“Nanny, are they okay?” The voice was a little reedy with panic.

“I think I hit my head,” Logan said. The man squatted, his hands fluttering across him.

“Well, lemme just see here.” The man’s hand followed one of his arms, and something felt - strange. “Now, no bones broken, that seems about right.” His tone was strange, almost like he was saying with authority that was how things were going to be, whether or not they had been before. Then the man wrapped arms around him and started to lift. Logan had to do surprisingly little of the actual work to stand. The other figure had been joined by a third - a kid about the right age to be one of the Them.  As Logan was guided up the hill, someone counted  \- “In, two, three, four. Hold, two, three, four, five...” - once he’d processed it was breath-counting, he disregarded the sensory input.

“My bike,” he said to his helper.

“Oh.” Carefully taking his hands away, he moved back toward the bike. “Old things like this are pretty hardy, huh?” He smiled as he came back alongside Logan. “Where do you need to get to?”

“No!” The other man’s head snapped up from where he’d been speaking to the child. “We’re  _ not _ giving him a ride. Out of the question. There’s nowhere to put the bike.”

“Nanny!” The boy protested.

“Well, isn’t your Nanny silly, kiddo? He’s forgotten all about the bike rack.” There was a sound, but Logan couldn’t quite process. “And there’s plenty of space - don’t worry. Virgil hasn’t bitten anyone since he was four.”

“Brother Francis!” The boy’s face flushed and he retreated back into his hoodie. Logan pushed his glasses up his nose nervously.

“Sorry, Virge.” Francis smiled a little. The kid’s Nanny opened the back door and ushered Virgil inside, then looked to Logan.

“So, where are we taking you?” He asked a little stiffly.

“Back to the village. I’ll give you directions,” Logan declared as he gingerly guided himself inside. Virgil was pressed against the other door and buried in his hoodie, already with his headphones over his ears. This was...surreal.

They set off, Francis talking occasionally to fill the silence, but even he tapered off eventually. Logan let everything stew, looking back eventually to the bike. He was sure it had been damaged, even if it had been constructed before planned obsolescence or safety guidelines had been much of a thing. But there was barely a scratch on it, and...

“My bike didn’t have gears,” he declared to the men in the front, leaning forward. “I know my bike didn’t have gears. Make a left,” he added when he saw where they were.

The Nanny said something low to Francis, in sing-song.

“I got carried away!” He protested, but Logan didn’t care, because the cottage had come into view.

“You can drop me off here.” As they pulled to the front of the cottage, Logan shifted. He took one last glance at Virgil, but he was still deep in his hoodie with those headphones on. With a mental shrug, he slid from the car again, finding that he did still hurt quite a bit. Francis was there to take his hand to help him out, smiling lightly.

“Oh, look. No gears. Just a normal ol’ velocipede.”

“Bicycle,” the Nanny pronounced. “I just loved this detour. Not like we've got time pressure or anything. Get in, angel.”

Despite the heavy sarcasm before it, hearing the pet name made Logan’s lips quirk slightly. It always pleased him to hear a comfortable couple. Though that left him with questions as to whether Virgil was their son, or just someone they were looking after. He made his way into the cottage, musing that while he was still stiff,  he certainly hurt less than he should for having been run over hard enough to fling him into the air. Still, stiff or not, he had work to do. The antichrist was still somewhere in Lower Tadfield. He just had to narrow it down...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to wait until I'd posted chapter three to tumblr before I posted chapter two here, but....honestly I don't know when chapter three will happen so here you go! The next one may be a while...


End file.
